Midas Touch
by thePlanealchemist
Summary: They brushed all paper work, pages and pages of slanted hand writing, journals, knick knacks, books, postal cards and letters. So many letters addressed to no one. Some old, some new. They ran through it all never letting others touch such precious things but it didn't seat well, with them it didn't- It hurt. God above it hurt so much.
1. The King and The Tower

ooo - "_He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words._" - Elbert Hubbard

_oo:57__** \- **__January, 4th_

It felt wrong.

So wrong. Yet they knew they couldn't stop; they knew that it had to be done - but it didn't mean that they would have to like it. While going through the motion a few words escaped, a few observations were made. They brushed paper work, pages and pages of slanted hand writing, journals, knick knacks, books, postal cards and letters. So many letters addressed to no one. Some old, some new. They ran through it all never letting others touch such precious things but it didn't seat well, with them it didn't-

It _hurt_.

God above it hurt so much. Once again they failed. Once again they didn't see it coming. Lulled by the false sense of security of smiles and beautiful words. Something akin to desperation clawed inside the team as they searched for answers as to why- Maybe because he was so different - was it because they wanted something they couldn't have? They knew it wasn't the first yes - would it be the last? They would find him- _no_. They _had_ to find him. But the question would always remain. Would they be on time? Would it be his last? Would it finally break him? Would it finally push him away forever? How many times before his eyes lost all that wonderment, all that innocence, all that life?

Aaron Hotchner looked at the broken cup on the floor and tilted his head to the side. The small kitchen had just a few appliances, just the ones that were most needed; it was typical of the boy, practical and efficient because the intake of food wasn't all that important. Just a spare glance. The stoic man traced with his eyes the path from the there to the living room and covered it with his own feet. In the brown and sturdy coffee table sat - in the middle of the mounds of paper - a small chess set. There was a game going on; a few pieces lay discarded at the side but... His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes moved to the couch and the floor.

The King and the Tower were missing.

Jennifer Jereau lifted herself from the crouching position she was in and took in the apartment. It was already marked by its owner; it already had that feeling of lived in. Even if there were a couple of boxes at the entrance, the space was already _home_. The built in bookcases filled with what seemed to be first editions with none or whatsoever order, the larger living room and the comfortable couch. The ever green walls that they tried to give some life. There were so many signs of him there that it made her ache more. She knew - because she had faith, she believe they would bring him back - that he would move again. Once more. She wondered if he never got tired.

David Rossi considered that even the beautiful black vertical piano that sat silently in the cornered bookcase, was a witness. The silence seemed to reverberate through its strings. A few music sheets were lying scattered in ground and bench - the kid had been trying to learn some new pieces; the older man bended to grab a few and put them back in their place. When he looked at the top of the instrument there was a book - which he couldn't understand - but it wasn't exactly that that had his attention - it was the small pice of chess. A King that sat atop of the book.

Derek Morgan was angry of course. It simmered just below the quiet surface of his emotions. It roiled like a thunderstorm behind his eyes. The man walked to the desk near the window and lifted his fingers to touch a frame that sat at the center of the writing space. He recalls a conversation - one of the firsts he ever had with the kid. Once he had asked Spencer Reid why he head to little photographs at his desk work and the boy had smiled at him. He remembers the smile - just this shy of painful. Of course he recall it. The way the big hazel eyes unfocused for instants and came back to him once again.

"_Because I remember everything."_

The words were said in a whisper, an after thought. Morgan still hears them echoing in his head - now more clearly because he his pushing it. Eidetic memory - he explained so many years later after that conversation - was something that could come has a burden and has relief. To remember the good and the bad. So the older man look at the frame once more, it was not that Reid didn't had photos - he had. But few. The important ones. And this was apparently something fond to him. It was in his desk after all but at the same time-

Out of place. So of course he knew then - _that precise minute_ \- that their Boy Genius was talking to them. He turned to the team with a gleamer of hope pushing through the thunderstorm of anger. He turned to rest of the people in the room and looked up from the image of an old man and a very very very young Spencer Reid.

"Guys, I think I've found something..."


	2. The Ending of the Pilgrim's Voyage

oo1 - "_A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it._" - George Moore

10:16 - November, 28th

The elevator doors opened with the same usual and boring '_ding_'. As the man entered the steel box and held the door when someone asked for it, he remarked that it was the same woman that used to distribute the post. He smiled at her as she thanked and rode it with him, pushing the metal cart full of boxes. They waited there and he gathered himself playing with the leather strap of the old and very well worn messenger bag until the doors opened again.

Hazel eyes took the glass doors that lead to the bullpen; half of his face hidden behind a purple scarf, he wondered if anyone would recognize him. Reaching one hand to a few lose curls, he adjusted them behind the ear; he thought that maybe he should have tied them as he used to now a days. After all his hair had grown a lot - _passing a bit of his shoulders really_ -, since last time he was here. Perhaps he should wear a band like he used to? Or just let it loose? He can't really be bothered really; the thoughts of his hair or appearance were generally the last thing on his mind. But he could bet that JJ' or Penelope would give him hell for it. He just couldn't be bothered by it; the only thing he wanted was to not look like a junkie or some kind of homeless - so he only shaved and gave a dismissive glance to his curls. It wouldn't do for a doctor and agent look like a bum. But now, he thought absently, he should just have it cut to end any trouble.

For his piece of mind and sanity -_ mind it_.

He sighed as his mind rambled alone. He stepped straighter, rearranging his already arranged coat and brushing the inexistent wrinkles of it. He was all covered up, even with all the clothes he wore he seemed to be always cold now. He doesn't talk a lot anymore, or at least like he used to, but his mind was just as active as it was - taking tangents and building theories like it had a life of her own. And right now he knew he was stalling. He wanted to just stride in there and greet everyone but he found out he couldn't.

For the life of him he couldn't just get in there and pretend that nothing changed.

Dr. Spencer Reid blinked a few times and bit his lips, chewing nervously; his hand griped the leather strap until his knuckles were white. The nervousness was giving him a nausea and - despite knowing he had no reason to feel this way - he was distressed. Quite a bit mind him - even his hands were sweaty and his heart was jumping like it wanted to come out of his chest. It felt... it felt like-

_It felt like the first day of school all over again._

He let a breathless chuckle past his abused lips. After a few more moments of freaking out for no reason, he gave a shake of head, squared his shoulders and started forward - he was just standing in the middle of the hallway. That wouldn't do; people wanted to pass and he was interfering with the traffic. He just didn't comprehend where this feelings came from. This were his friends after all. There was nothing he should be nervous about, they knew him, he knew them.

End of story.

But as soon as the glassed doors closed behind him he had no chance. No chance at all. He knew it because Penelope Garcia just turned the corner in his direction; her eyes became round like full moons behind her glasses and the expressive face was flooded with surprise then disbelief and then pure and unaltered joy.

And Reid found himself with an armful of Garcia.

He flinched because of the impromptu invasion of personal space. But he uncoiled from himself and felt calm as she hugged him. Circling her arms around him tightly, trowing the case files she had in hand onto the floor. Reid found himself smiling and instead of becoming tense, he relaxed a little more into the blond woman; smelling her sweet and flowery perfume, remembering all the times she just came and took the hugs she and he needed. It was Garcia after all and there was no one like her.

ooo

"Oh dear! Oh dear!" she half said and half sobbed into him "Oh my sweet baby Genius! My 187!" she held him fast with arms pining him "You're here! You're really here! You came back!"; the she took a step back and looked him over like she never saw him before. Her eyebrows furrowed lightly and she opened her mouth-

"Hotch already knows" his voice was muffled by the purple scarf he took his hand to her elbow squeezing gently "I've missed you" he told her simply with a hidden smile stretching his lips. The blond just released a sob, the brown orbs glistened dangerously again and her lips quivered like a baby. Once again the genius had Penelope attached to him like glue while asking him a thousand questions at the same time. And he laughed, just laughed; he missed this. Missed this people, his friends, his family. Reid shook his head and put his hand on her shoulder putting some distance between the bubbly tech and him.

"You're so thin!" she exclaimed while putting her hands in his cheeks until his smile was strained, between the two appendages "You're so going to dinner with us tonight-" she narrowed her eyes and cut whatever words he thought of saying "I don't understand the concept of 'no', if you remember well" she patted him once more and smiled at his disgruntled look. Then took a step back and with his help caught the files on the floor "Oh! And you get to meet Joe!"

"Who's Joe?" he lifted his eyebrows, displeased to meet another person today, "It seems I have no say in this...?" he half asked, half said. How could Reid forget how touchy Garcia could be? "What if I have another-" he didn't even finished what he was saying because the trickster glint in Penelope's eyes was enough for him. "Alright, alright - I surrender!" he said as lifted his arms "Did you know that - statistically speaking of course - dinners are the most social way to get people into-" he was cut with a desperate laugh but a genuine smile.

He really, _really_, thought he had fewer bouts of rambling. But it seemed that he might be wrong. Maybe it was just because he was alone?

"Good. Joe's a cat. And thanks" she added waving the files and giving him a wink. She was about to add something but he was interrupted by a new presence. He had forgotten that they were at the entrance of the bullpen right by the doors - it was expected for him to run into people.

"Dr. Spencer Reid!" a baritone voice the genius knew well made him smile as he looked behind him and saw David Rossi entering the bull pen "Good to see somethings don't change" the elder man put the corners of his lips up and puled Reid to one armed hug "It's also very good to see you again kiddo" he said more contentedly and with a voice that held a hint of familiar affection - uncle Rossi. The simple and warm words sunk into the younger man making him smile wider. He pulled the scarf a bit down and nodded to the man.

"Rossi-" he cut himself at the sharp glance he received "Dave" Reid amended with a small laugh "It is good to see you too. I've read your new book-" he started quite enthusiastic "- thank you for that first edition by the way -" he added the sincere thanks while his hands were up and about moving carelessly "You know my _little_ collection-" he was cut of by the laugh of the elder profiler and the bubbly laugh of the tech.

"Little it isn't kiddo..." he was warmed by the thanks even if he had a written letter full of thanks and how much appreciated it was the book, "How are you feeling?" Rossi asked lifting his arm but letting his hand on the young mans shoulder. He watched has he blinked and opened his mouth, "Not the half assed answer _Einstein_, the truth please" he cut him, making the boy - no, the man - look at him with those deer like eyes.

He had grown.

He was steadier and more disciplined, even if there was always that everlasting nervousness and agitation - the always present dislike of being touched by strangers. But that was normal due to his own problems - and Reid, like the lot of them had all his imperfections. Still he had grown into a man; a calm and strong presence that needed no physical violence to protect himself. Words could cut just as well and deep as swords, and to Spencer Reid, mind and words were now a very well honed and sharpened blade.

It made him smile.

The elder also noted his appearance. His was thinner - more like sharp angles from the missing meals; but he looked healthy enough, with his pale skin and his unkept long curls. He was still as tall as he remembered, long and elegant limbs with a inherent clumsiness; lips still stretched in that shy boyish smile. The line of his back once would be tense at his touch, now it gave in into its familiarity and comfort. The hazel eyes were still wide, innocent and young, full of life, just like he remembered them. And also wonder and surprise that he knew so well; full of a knowledge that David Rossi will never possess - knowledge made by books, life and personal experiences. He realized that it was like a heavy weight was lift from his shoulders and now he could stand proud and tall. Instead of hunched and on his own shadow - Spencer seemed to have found some freedom in his mind.

"I'm- I feel great" Reid smiled to the man and nodded to the still present blond "I do really, I'm not overselling it!" he twisted his hands around the leather strap of the messenger bag "I feel great now I'm home for good" he added switching from foot to foot. He stopped twitching when Garcia gave him a fond smile and Rossi a reassuring pat.

"I'm glad to know kid, glad to know" he removed himself from the genius personal space and tilted his head in invitation to join the other desks of the bureau. Garcia also started to move again and Reid and Rossi went to talk to the others in the bullpen.

"Oh and Baby Genius?" Garcia called as she went to exit the bullpen "You're so going to cut that hair of yours" she wrinkled her nose "Or maybe not. I might just give him a touch or two-" she paused and gave him a wicked smile "You do look like sex on legs like that" she prompted in suggestive voice walking away from his rather loud squawk and Rossi's laughter.

'_Somethings don't chance really_', the genius thought with a blush all over his face and an embarrassed smile on his lips.

ooo

Derek Morgan watched as suddenly the blond woman he was talking to got up and put her hands on her mouth giving a shrill yell of surprise. JJ' wasn't the only one because his dark haired Princess lifted herself from the desk she was resting and opened her mouth in a silent surprise and a half smile pulling at the corner of her red lips. He blinked and turned at the direction that both women went to and found himself looking at someone he wasn't exactly expecting to see.

Reid - no - Dr. Spencer Reid was walking into the bullpen at that moment. With David Rossi at his side and now had an armful of JJ' and all the smiles of Prentiss. He was looking at the dark haired woman with eyes that spoke of surprise and happiness but also confusion. Morgan had forgotten that Emily had come to the bureau because to substitute Spencer. They never told him and at the time he didn't want to listen, the man thought bitterly. After so many tries from Hotch she had given in and came, specially after knowing that the genius was gone - she felt guilty, of what Morgan never knew. But the team eventually came together to loose another new member, Kate had came and gone - just like Blake.

But he came back.

He remembered quite clearly that day. Ir was something that Morgan knew he didn't need to have any special kind of memory to do it. He remembered the broken boy, the tears, the screams reaped out of that throat- He didn't want to remember that part really, but he recalled the later emptiness that came. The words the young doctor spoke were clear and even in his state of mind, Reid had promised he would come back. He was not leaving but he needed to gather himself; but he did it alone like always. And didn't that hurt the other agent. Not accepting his help, his best friend's help, it had cut deep into him.

"_I am not going to abandon you. I would never. I just- Right now I can't- I-I hurt-_"

But now he looked at the once Pretty Boy, that should now be a Pretty Man. His hair fell into his back, he was all sharp angles and long limbs, ready to fall just waiting for someone to catch him. He seemed taller - but Derek knew it wasn't true - he seemed more content. More at ease. He moved to the group already with a smile on his lips.

As Spencer found himself in a middle of '_welcome's_' and '_how I missed you's_' from the two girls and now a very un-stoic like Hotchner smiling at him, he found the face of his best friend. And something in him uncoiled and spread itself languidly through him. Derek Morgan walked slowly to him and he could see that there was something so different in the man, he was clearly unsatisfied with Reid but there was also joy in those dark orbs. JJ' let go of him when the older agent put a hand on her shoulder and she smiled at him. Her face was full of tear tracks but her lips showed a smile, big and joyful. She was speaking of how Henry missed him and that he was going to harass the genius to pass a weekend with him. Derek just smiled at her and then turned to him.

Just like everyone else had done, he was again enveloped into a gentle but fierce hug. Like Garcia, Morgan knew no meaning of personal space and Spencer found himself wrapped in the human heater. He laughed and returned the gesture, thinking that he hadn't smiled or laughed or touched this much since he went away. It was good. It was good to be in his friends arms.

But in his minds eye, Derek Morgan was older than he remember. _Was he always this big?_ Well he wasn't taller than him - never was - but he thought he was less broad, less imposing. Reid's mind was trying to reconcile this man with the memories he had of the agent and best friend. He looked a bit like Hotch and that made the genius think what could have happened while he was gone from here. Of course he kept talking to his best friend - _he cut contact with no one_ \- he didn't leave them. He didn't abandoned them. Spencer needed time to assert himself and to center; the loss of his mother had hurt more than he ever expected and he needed the time. Plus all the other ordeal he was put to again came crash onto him and he just couldn't stand it. But he had promised to return. He took a year of sabbatical and a few months to regroup and recompose.

When Morgan took a step back from him he opened his mouth but before he could ask his friend if everything was okay he was cut of thought by his boss.

"I hope you're ready then" Hotch lifted a manila folder and pressed his lips in a mock smile "We have a case" with that he moved to the conference room letting the other to stare at him with half smiles and some calls about '_how unfair it is_'. Reid just shook his head and smiled long and satisfied. It took him a journey back and again to find that all he need was right here. He was never letting it go again.

"I guess I'll have to meet Joe in another night then" he said simply and immediately heard all the voices at the same time as they asked about who was Joe and that he was a cat and that they had to get a celebration on going and that he was so screwed because he was going to be dragged to the pub when this case was over, there were promised movie nights and threaded dinner parties hosted by their own Italian cook.

Things might have changed in him - he knows they did. But now he also knew that it was okay.


	3. Imperatrix Mundi

oo2 - "_When we are tired we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago._" - Friedrich Nietzsche

21:45 - November, 28th

Derek Morgan had that constipated look on his face.

The kind that you get when you don't know if you should laugh or just start screaming obscenities at everyone around you. He pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up to the ceiling of the police station; '_this was going to be one of those nights_', he thought looking at the EMT fixing Reid's broken nose '_I should have seen it coming, really_'.

He should have known that the kid was going to get himself into trouble. Right on the first case he went since he came back. And the stupid thing? It wasn't an UnSub. It wasn't a damn crossfire; it wasn't a mad derange man or victim; it wasn't a-

It was a _fucking_ door.

A dammed fucking door. It passed a day. Just a day since he joined the team again. And he went strait into a door. Morgan wanted answers as to why did that had to happen in his watch, because really, it wasn't as funny as one would think it was - not with Derek's personal experience at seeing Reid and blood in the same space. His guts twisted violently and he shut his eyes to open them just as fast, trying to stay in the room, in the moment so he would drown in memories.

Although it was funny to see how the younger agent was trying to fuse himself into the chair trying to avoid the EMT's questioning hands. For one he didn't like the strangers tough and in second place that should be hurting like a bitch. He sighed and moved from his position of leaning into the conference room wall and went near the kid.

"Well... _I-_" the younger man stressed the word with a hiss "-for one, didn't exactly missed this", he tried to crawl into the chair he was sitting in. The guy with the cotton balls in his hand looked at him with a raised eyebrow, clearly not enjoying having to follow Reid's movements in the chair. The younger man knew that logically he should stay still and be done with it. He just couldn't stop himself from backing away from the hands that reach into his sore nose - he knew it was going to hurt. Very, very, very much - thank you. Even if the setting was already done it still hurt shoving those cotton balls into his nose.

He almost screamed when it finally happened.

"Neither did I" the other man replied and nodded as the guy exited the room "That didn't mean I wasn't expecting something like this" he smirked at the petulant look he got for that. He laugh and watched as hazel eyes started dropping with exhaustion; Reid got up and subtly tried to make and effort to wake his body moving it to stand in front of the board that had his geographical profiled already organized. "How do you even go against the door while it was just in front of you truly amazes me" he teased the kid.

"I _already_ told you-" Spencer said rolling his eyes childishly "He opened the door and I didn't expected it" he turned to the older man looking at him with narrowed eyes "It was the forth ring, how was I supposed to know he was at home!" he shook his head and winced at the pain. The young doctor just wanted some _ipobrufen_. He wanted to stave the pain as much as he could and for that JJ' and Prentiss had to come.

Derek ha a smile on his lips having moved himself to the table with all the paper work, he sat there and looked at his best friend. "Do you think there is any organization in the dump sites?" he asked when the kid turned again and sat the table going through the oldest files.

He shrugged his shoulders dislodging another set of curls that were un-neatly tied with a red band - curtesy of Penelope Garcia. The thin shoulders were hunched and his left arm was laid out on the table showing a barely visible strip of skin that Derek knew it would be marred by a scar. He watched as it twitched without any acknowledgment from the younger man. Spencer was different alright. He was-

Suddenly a police officer came into the room breaking his train of thought. the man let a stack of case files drop into the table with a loud smack that made the genius jump. The loud and unexpected sound made him startled; he retrieved his arm to his side and looked at the board avoiding eye contact with any of them. The man just lifted and eyebrow and smirked getting away from the room quickly as he caught the dark look Morgan was giving him.

He hated this kind of situation. But it was unavoidable and the team did tried to make it a bit more easy on the youngest member. They learned early enough that Reid wasn't to be let alone in stations like these. Where officers tended to be bullies just because they could. The man curled his hand into a fist and his knuckles became prominent; he wanted to hit something but displaying violence wasn't any good now. They had worse and besides, he wanted Reid ok.

"Man I can't think anymore" he complained trying to ease the tension that appeared to fill the room as the officer disappeared through the door "I might have a blackhole instead of a stomach, _seriously man_" he complained knowing the exact effect of his words. And like clockwork it came; it never failed to amaze Derek see that tension uncoil from the lithe body, the way his face would lit up and suddenly all years were gone and behind remained a very young, and very curious boy.

"Did you know that..." he started and eyes lit up to him and a very small smile threatening to come were joined to the movements his hands created.

He was hearing the kid. He truly was. But above everything else he missed him and wanted that time back, he wanted to share the good and the bad. He knew he wouldn't have that, he knew that he had to move forward and try to give the past a rest. But it was difficult to forget sometimes. He should center in present and take the best of it; this job teached him a lot, including living the now.

You never knew when it would be last.

ooo

"So now you have Philosophy and Anthropology, what's next?" Emily asked while fishing a new piece of chicken from her box "I mean, do they pay you based on your degrees?" she asked with a smile on her lips. Good humored and slightly unbelieving.

"Of course not!" the doctor answered with such intensity that they all laughed at the insulted tone of his voice "I'm payed just like the rest of you - ask Hotch" he said moving the contents of his container of food, from one side to the other barely eating anything "It would be unfair to be like that-" he frowned and opened his mouth to what probably would be another tangent but he was quickly cut.

"And that guy you talked about?" Emily prodded again making JJ' smile and look expectantly to Reid, only to have him with a confused face and raised eyebrows "The guy that helped you with the thesis? The one that was into art?" she tried to situate the early conversation they had knowing he would recall it perfectly.

It was just the four of them as Hotch and Rossi were still discussing with Detective Williamson the rounds that the local officers needed to do tonight - curtesy of Spencer that had found a likely perimeter for the hunting grounds of the unSub. Now unfortunately they had to wait. The profile was given and they needed him to make a mistake.

"Whoah, _whoah_!" Derek stopped the girl and looked at him with unbelieving eyes "How does she know that?" he asked in mock hurt a hand in his chest and the most unconvincing tear filled eyes "She knew before me- _wait a minute!_" he looked at JJ' and narrowed his eyes "They knew? _Both!?_" he plowed forward. He looked at Morgan with wide dear like eyes and a blushed covered his face. Making him clumsy and off balance.

"You know how persuasive they can be Morgan and I didn't even told them the whole story!" he heard both of the girls saying something about being cheated and but he just couldn't be bothered because his focus was on the other agent. And before he knew what was happening his best friend took action.

"Just because of that I'm taking _this_-" he reached into one of the two containers of jello that were at his front.

"Hey, hey! Give it back!" Reid exclaimed and tried to get his jello back - it was the only thing he eat nowadays. "You know how they are Morgan- give it back!"

"What no sharing?" he asked as plunged a spoon menacingly into the red desert and smirked.

"But it's my favorite!" he pouted trying to make himself look younger and childlike "At least change it for the green..." he said pushing the small recipient in front of his friend and "Besides I'm not really going to finish this so jello will be the only thing I eat and if you-"

"Ok, ok Pretty Boy" Morgan smiled when Reid looked at him with a smile that spoke of contemned and happiness at the used nickname "Just have your jello and eat. Mother knows you have to put something to go with those bones..." he said giving back the desert, smiling to JJ' that also had her lips stretched at the corners knowingly.

"His name is Alexander Hummel and-" he looked at his four friends in the room "And I'm not not going to repeat myself so you will all listen to the story at Garcia's dinner" he said with finality eating the traded jello with gusto. But a small smile displayed in his lips. Spencer missed stupid things like this, he really did.

ooo

Later that night in the quietude of the hotel room, Derek Morgan, dreamed of passing years. His conscience filled him with a throng of blurry images, sequences of movements, of shapes and sounds that soon turned into nightmarish tales filled with a horrifying truth. He had sat in the bed looking at the cellphone that displayed, in white shadowy letters: 05:21am. Morgan sagged against the headboard and sighed. As much as he wanted to avoid thinking that last time he was with the younger man, he remember those events, his mind refused him piece so they came.

Memories came unbidden.

Didn't stop, didn't let him breath through the emotion that were thick and cloying, spreading into his being like a slow disease. He remembers clearly when Reid's call clicked shut into a dead line and the way they clamored into the warehouse trying to find him. He remembers the way his heart tried to beat out of his chest; the nausea that caused him. He remembers the music filtering - an opera he now knew - trough the space like a ghoulish soundtrack for the horror behind the metal doors. He remembers the sickening smells of rotten blood and mold.

The truth was that it wasn't worse than the whole Hankel debacle. But at the same time it was so much more horrifying.

Derek was the first into the room with JJ' pushing the door open into the what would be the center piece of so many nightmares. The music reached steadier into them and he just shot. He shot the unSub. He didn't even ask the an to drop the weapon because the hammer was already coming onto the direction of the younger genius head. Reid was pale covered in blood and those hazel eyes were riveted on his face - staring soullessly into him, like he could see nothing but everything at the same time. Even has the hammer took a turn and smashed into the laid out arm breaking the fragile wrist, the boy didn't move. Didn't made a sound.

He was kneeling on the floor legs bent into the bloody mess around him; the hand that ended broken was laid out and chained into a metal table that was supposed to be the place where he would be dismembered. But worst wasn't the pain Morgan knew. The worst was the little girl he was clutching into his other side; her hands curved like claws into his shirt and her head bent into his neck, her body laying half in him, half on the floor. None of them understood but when he came closer like the rest of them team, they saw. They saw the lack of breathing, they smelt the decomposition, the rigor mortis making her stay in that position and her eyes like his looking into nothing.

After that they tried to move him but he wouldn't let them touch him. He had adamantly refused to let them take the body of the girl from him - they had to convince him it was over. It had been Hotch that took him out of his stupor. Not JJ' or him. It was Araon that barked an order that made the younger agent look at him, really look at him. Eyes filled with horror, fear, hurt, anger but also hope. The boy started to sob and he hadn't look so small to him, so fragile.

The man, now laying on the bed sighed and closed his eyes, trying to dispel the wetness that came with the memories. The phantom emotions and feelings. The emptiness, the fear of loosing, the misplaced guilt. Everything. And knowing that the kid almost lost it? It was more terrifying that he ever thought it would be. The belief that Spencer Reid was to be gone from their life's like that. It hurt. It hurt like- there were no words for that. He couldn't and he wouldn't loose him not now, not never.

He took a deep breath and shook his head.

One day he and Hotch went into his apartment to find it in shambles. Books strewn everywhere, papers, knick-knacks all over the floor in his small space. They immediately reacted like the worst had happened, calling to Reid to find him at dark a corner. Knees up and head bent into them, words coming to quickly to be understood - almost like a prayer. The he stopped - probably sensing the presence and just uttered: "_make them stop. make them go away._" Derek's heart lurched and his body went rigid with tension thinking that finally the kid had broken. Finally it was too much to him. But as Araon talked with the voice he reserved to very scared victims; Spencer just shook his head lifting his eyes to them.

"_The memories. The memories make me forget."_

It was the first time Derek Morgan felt like cursing the young genius capable head. He would forever remember those events with precise and clear images, sounds, smells and feeling. Like a movie passing behind his eyelids. In the end to prove that the kid had the worst kind of luck his mother died a few months after - in top of the trauma, he just lost another precious person to him. It was unfair.

"_I am not going to abandon you. I would never. I just- Right now I can't- I-I hurt-"_

He knew the kid needed a break. He could walk in circles around the BAU psychologists probably knowing more than them but he couldn't fool him or the others. So they watched him struggle and crumble into tiny pieces to just pick himself again and return. He knew the kid was damaged, knew that even if he looked stronger, he had triggers. The music Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi was a song that no one dared to play. Spencer liked it but now couldn't stand it. Derek himself couldn't hear it. Some days he fantasized, he even tried to believe that Spencer would never return to them, to the team. Not because he didn't want him to come - trust him he loved Spencer Reid like he loved his own sisters, he was family, his best friend. But he didn't want Spencer to hurt anymore and Morgan didn't want to remember.

_That night?_

That night managed to hurt not only the young genius but also everyone else. And he didn't need any special kind of memory to know that he would forever retain it with him.

The whole thing was _engraved_ into his soul.


End file.
